Well, I am back from rainy though beautiful, and much missed, London and I still don’t have a job. All of the jobs I interviewed for didn’t end up being right, or they were right – for me – but I wasn’t right for them, and as a result, I feel like Bridget Jones; rubbish at everything. It’s not my first brush with failure; that was when I wanted to be Mary in the school nativity play when I was 7, and my best friend Sarah (still my best friend now, so it didn’t come between us) was chosen instead. I was cast as the donkey. The donkey! I had to wear a donkey costume and sing ‘Little Donkey, Little Donkey’ while galloping around the school hall. This is still a source of hilarity at the family dinner table. Eighteen years on, the indignity of it still hurts. Could they not see that I was a Mary? I was robbed of the limelight at 7, and from there it’s been a progressive downhill slope. The time I was winning the relay for my team at school sports day when I was 13, and then fell over in the mud and laughed so hard I couldn’t get up, forfeiting the race and the House Cup; when I spilled my water everywhere and talked about Buffy the Vampire Slayer at my Cambridge interview; when I slammed my driving instructor’s car into a pole as I drove out of the test centre during my driving test, failing before the exam had even officially started…the list could go on and on.
So, now that My Brilliant Career seems to have Gone Bung, where do I go from here? I have absolutely no idea. In six weeks US Immigration will kick me out of the country and I’ll be back at my mum’s, unemployed, penniless, and with plenty of time to drink tea, play with my nephews (who are unbearably adorable, by the way, and wanted to get in my suitcase and come back to ‘Merica’ with me) eat hobnobs, bake cakes, watch terrible TV, read, finish my seemingly never ending quilt, and think about all the things I could be doing with my life. This sounds very nice and cosy but I know I’ll be going stir crazy by the end of the first week. I’m a planner. Not having a plan, a direction, something to work towards, is very disconcerting for me. At the same time though, being a total failure and having your life plan disintegrate beneath you is an opportunity, and not a disaster. Yes, perhaps that’s a bit Pollyanna, but rather than cry my eyes out and eat my weight in chocolate (which I may already have done), I think looking on the bright side is the only way forward. I have had my sights set on one career plan for so long that I haven’t stopped to consider anything else. There are so many things I enjoy doing, and I am excited about the other paths I could potentially go down. I love books and films that tell stories of people who reach rock bottom and then, unexpectedly, from around a corner they never knew they were going to turn, a whole new life comes jumping out at them, and they find a happiness they never dared dream they’d have. So maybe in the story of my life, I’m about to reach that corner. What could be around it?! I have no idea!!
So here I am; planless, jobless, aimless. I’m a clean slate. For the first time ever, I’ve got no idea what I’m going to do with my life. It’s quite exciting, really. I like a challenge! I will keep you updated. For now, the job search is going on hiatus, I am going to thoroughly enjoy my last six weeks in New York, and allow whatever will be, to be. Potential career suggestions are welcome, however!